no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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