Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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