I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
