I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
did you just send me my own nude
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am available for nakedness
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
