I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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