I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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