happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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