He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
