I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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