people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
