You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
