Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
