i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
