the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
