He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just had sex on a roof
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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