All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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