you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
