pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
