Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
