i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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