Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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