dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
