No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
