More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
