The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
