can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
