He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
