It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
