the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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