Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
