So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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