There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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