im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
