Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
