I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
