I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
