he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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