Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
