In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
