We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
