you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
