I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
