farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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