Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
