Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
