My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
