I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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