honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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