guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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