if i can run in heels then i can drive
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
