Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
