Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
