I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
