There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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