I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
