My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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