sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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